


Self Love

by 44Noxwell



Category: Original Work
Genre: M/M, waaaa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:42:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26840833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/44Noxwell/pseuds/44Noxwell
Relationships: Jefferey Gonzales/Henry Reyes
Kudos: 4





	Self Love

Henry had noticed a lot of things about Jeff through the time they spent together. His age, his height, his greasy hair, and of course, his intense reluctance to divulge any information more personal than his favorite color. He had also noticed that it was in his best interest never to bring up anything he had noticed about him. Regardless of how impersonal it was, it seemed Jeff had a deep disinterest in being reminded about himself in any way, shape, or form. 

One thing he was sure of though, was Jeff had definitely noticed things about him. Sure, he had a near constant, unnerving, and intense stare, and he would seriously wonder if anyone was home behind those corneas, but it was undeniable that Jeff took in a lot of information. Almost a scary amount. Henry had found it charming, almost flattering at first. And to be honest, he still did. He couldn’t deny though, it was starting to get a little worrying. 

First, it was just menial things. Jeff had remembered Henry’s Starbucks order from the last time he tagged along for the ride, and reminded Henry of an ingredient he’d forgotten when talking to the cashier. Then Jeff had even given him the gift of a chew necklace, in an effort to get Henry to stop showing up with holes in the collars of his shirts and bite marks on the sleeves of his leather jacket. 

After this, it started progressively getting weirder. 

Then, Henry found that Jeff would hold onto the orange section of the post it notes from the multicolor packs, giving them to him with the reasoning that they were his favorite color, and he thought he’d like them. Henry never even used post it notes, but would doodle on them occasionally to give him the illusion that his gift had been put to good use. 

Remembering obscure symptoms Henry had dramatically complained about weeks ago, stopping grinding his teeth when he was in the room because Henry had complained about it in a one off comment a while back. Pet peeves, typical fashion style, insecurities and prides, it seemed like there was nothing about Henry that Jeff could forget about, no matter how much he’d want him to. Embarrassing moments, typos, voice cracks, everything. As scary as it was, he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t impressed. 

Of course, Henry didn’t just pretend it wasn’t happening. No moment of supernatural recollection went without a witty (or attempt at being witty) remark to follow it. At first Jeff laughed it off. Which then went to rolling his eyes, a dramatic sigh of complaint, even actual annoyance. The changes happened so gradually Henry didn’t even realize he was getting to him.

Henry was pacing around the room, a common occurrence for when he had too much energy but too much restraint to get it out quickly. 

“Why do you always walk exactly 9 steps in one direction before pivoting back, that’s such a random number”, Jeff said in a near monotone, not looking up from the book he had shoved in his face. Henry set his feet in place dramatically, as if he was annoyed. 

“Counting my steps now? Why’re you so obsessed with me?” Henry followed up his remark with an impromptu, under his breath performance of the chorus of Obsessed by Mariah Carey. 

Jeff widened his unsettling eyes at the accusation, his cheeks and ears reddening. He shoved his face deeper into the pages of his book, trying to focus on calming down.

“I’m not,” he said with fake annoyance, his fingers shifting back and forth as they held the cover.

“Oooh yeah, I bet. You know like, everything about me. I still don’t even know your middle name.”

“Miguel…” Jeff mumbled, as if saying it now would null the conversation and he could pretend it never happened.

“Why *do* you even know so much about me anyway? I don’t even know that much about me...you’re not a spy or anything are you?” Henry snickered to himself as he resumed pacing. 

“I’m not obsessed just- go back to your walking. I’m trying to absorb information here.” This earned him a scoff.

“Oh come on, that’s all you do!” Jeff tightened his grip around the edges of his book cover. 

He repeated it, “I’m not obsessed.” 

Henry stood in place again, before turning to stand in front of his friend, and sinking down to a crouch to meet Jeff’s eye level.

“I think you are.”

“I think you’re annoying, now if you won’t be quiet I’ll just go to another room-” 

Jeff’s reading focus, if he had any, had been torn away as a sudden new set of fingers settled between the inside of the book, gently pulling it down to reveal what looked like Henry on the tallest metaphorical high horse there was. Smirking, with a visible pink blush on his face. Though of course, not nearly as obvious as Jeff’s entirely red face.

“Look, there’s no shame in it, I’m sure I’m pretty interesting-”

“Shut up-”

“But don’t you have anyone else to think about all the time?-”

“Shut up!” Henry perked up, nearly falling over, surprised at the venom in Jeff’s voice. He regained his balance, and sat down completely to avoid falling on his back.

“J-Jeffy, c’mon, I was just kidding! I’m not, like, mad. You know that…”

“I know none of that.” Jeff’s irises and pupils were indistinguishable, both appearing jet black to anyone who looked into them. It was enough to make Henry’s resolve break and probably cause anyone under the age of 5 to cry. Speaking of, Henry could swear he saw some small tear droplets in the corners of his eyes, but Jeff blinked them away before he could call any attention to them. 

“I just...I remember things about my uh, friends…” He hung on the word ‘friends’, almost unsure of what his relationship to the other really was. “I’m...observant.” Jeff was using any and all excuse to worm his way away from the accusation of obsession. The last thing he wanted to show was vulnerability. 

“I wish I knew as much about you as you know about me but, I don’t know, it seems like you never wanna talk about it.” Jeff grimaced.

“Why *would* you wanna talk about it?” Henry scoffed in disbelief.

“Same thing as you said! I like knowing things about my friends! But it’s a little hard when your friends never talk about themselves.” He moved from sitting across from Jeff to sitting beside him. At first, a little too close, until he remembered to give him a little more space. 

“What if I don’t wanna talk about myself?”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t like thinking about myself, Henry! I can’t like myself like you can because you’re actually, like... a good person…” Jeff caught himself mid outburst, the embarrassed flush and pinpricks of tears returning to his face. Shoving his face back into his book was a sure sign he had embarrassed himself, and didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

“Wh..what?” Henry shuffled a little closer, hoping that this time, the close proximity would be comforting to him. “Why don’t you like yourself?”

The way he asked reeked of innocence, as if he had never thought it possible for someone to detest themselves. He had heard of it of course, but he couldn’t truly comprehend it. How could Jeff be so rude to one of Henry’s favorite people, Jeff?

It seemed as if Henry had registered the incredibly personal nature of the question immediately after he asked it, but he allowed it to hang in the air, because he really did wonder, and he really did want to make him feel better as soon as physically possible. When he didn’t get an answer, it was clear to him he’d overstepped.

“Uh, I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer tha-”

“Everything. I hate everything about me.” Henry’s head snapped over to look at him, his stomach sinking with the realization. 

“But I…” he took a deep breath. “I don’t hate anything about you. I don’t want to think about myself, who I am, what I do, or what people think about me. ...I like thinking about you, though. You’re so, kind, and nice, and funny- you’re everything I’m not. That’s the kind of person I wanna hear about. Not…” he looked down at himself. “Me.”

“Jefferey… Can I hold you?” He fidgeted with his jacket sleeve, unsure what he could really say that could change Jeff’s mind.

Jeff’s head snapped up, his body shivering as he imagined Henry holding him. He did everything he could at all times to preserve his dignity but, he couldn’t deny, it was certainly a tempting offer.

“I’m fine, I don’t need to be babied.” Henry laughed a little under his breath.

“Sure you don’t *need* to, but do you want to?” He opened his arms, a well-intentioned smile on his face. 

The smaller one picked up his bookmark with a shaky hand, placing it between the two pages he was currently on, then closing the book with a sudden thud. He set it down beside him and looked cautiously to the open air between Henry’s arms...and then his soft, warm chest. 

“Never. Tell anyone about this,” Jeff said as he scooted over awkwardly, planting his cheek onto Henry’s chest, his hands nervously reaching around his torso to place some comforting hands onto his back, shyly rubbing the flesh there. After overcoming the initial shock, he snaked his arms around Jeff’s trembling form, putting one hand on his back and one into his fluffy head of hair, slowly petting the collection of strands until he could feel the tension leave the smaller one’s body. 

“Jeffy, I don’t really know what I can tell you to make you like yourself but... if it helps, I like you.” He pulled his body a little tighter against his own, and planted a soft kiss onto the top of his head, silently hoping Jeff wouldn’t really realize what he had done. Jeff closed his eyes, allowing himself to be enveloped by the warmth waiting for him in Henry’s embrace.

“Thank you.”


End file.
